Wednesday, June 18, 2014


A little piece I presented in a class this afternoon on reflexive groups and practices. 


I am rarely sure how I want to convey what I want to convey (or what I want to convey at all).
I try to compile my learnings into a tangible box for me to share outside of myself but all that comes out is more questions. Questions?

·     I am not separate from the group, my learning as an individual is reliant on the group process – then have I learnt anything on my own?
·     How is my identity defined as being part of the group vs. being an individual 
·     Can I exist outside of the group? 
·     What is existence? 
·     What is my learning this semester if not with the group? I am dependent on the group
·     Who am I without them?
·     Who am I without the other?
·     What are they without me?

All I can know for sure is that the questions have changed.


All my life I’ve been asking questions.
Where am I from?
Who am I?
What does it mean to be who I really am?
Who do I really want to be?


The questions have become less concerned about my own knowledge acquisition and more about genuine curiosity. Less about obtaining answers and more about starting a conversation, a conversation that may never have an end or an answer.


Sunday, June 8, 2014

Becoming Something

Last night I went to a birthday party. It was for a classmate turned practicum partner turned friend. Turns out we have a few mutual friends. I love her presence. Her friends are no different. The thing I found though, was that they all seem so sure of themselves. Even in their uncertainty, they are sure. Their jokes and taste and the way they carry themselves. How do I carry myself? Am I confident? Do I seem this insecure on the outside? And then there's this little part of me that I hate to admit is big part that does not want to know in the slightest how I am seen by others. 

I've always thought that these things come naturally. That you just are. You become someone and you are that someone and you grow to be that someone. Even if I could be more sure of this unsure self that could be my identity. But I often look at myself and wonder who the heck I am. What I identify as. Where my confidence in being Dee is? Confidence is a scary word lately. For some reason, it evokes these ideas in my head of being cocky or full of yourself. And then you hear these sayings like "confident men are sexy". Women are rarely complimented on their confidence; it always being noted as a negative characteristic like not caring for others or putting yourself first. Why is it that men who are not confident labelled as a "pussy" while it's allowed assumed for women. It stretches my mind in so many directions to understand how our society has put up such small intricate boxes to indicate how we may act. Only two boxes in fact.