Tuesday, November 5, 2013

On Living with a Significant Other

Ryan and I recently moved in together for the first time at the ripe age of 22. After decided on where to do my Master's we began looking at places and actually settled on the first and only apartment we looked at. We were so excited for this new and somewhat unknown adventure upon us. The first few weeks were what most couples describe as "playing house". Everything was so easy and fun, like we had been doing it all our lives. But after awhile, little things were becoming annoyances and cleaning was not happening so often and the apartment was getting messy and this and that and life wasn't so easy anymore. And like all things happen in a perfectly timed way, I read this article called I Didn't Love my Wife When We Got Married. After reading the article, we realized that after being in a long-distance relationship for the majority of the time over the past 4 years, love is not something we simply say to each other; it's how we express it in our actions each and every day.

So many people have been so curious about how we are doing living together. It feels as though they almost expect us to be at each other's throats by now! And in some moments we are, but is that not love? Living in someone's flaws and loving them for it? Some people expect us to have had bumps along the road and struggle with our schedules and coordination. But it all goes back to that notion that love isn't always a feeling we communicate but an action we show. We had that love before we moved in together so it was easy for us to adapt and learn to show it in a new way and trust each other in a new way too.

One of the coolest things we both realized after leaving together for a short period of time was how much this place feels like home. One day I remember just feeling so at peace with where I was, I asked Ryan if he felt the same way, if he felt that this was his home. He replied of course and we talked more about it. I found it so interesting that after living in an awesomely decorated apartment (thanks parents!) for literally weeks, it felt like the most comfortable place in the world. We realized for one of the first times in our lives that we are literally each other's "home". It didn't matter where we were, how much money we had, whether our apartment was messy or clean, whether or not this was the best decision, it was comfortable being in it together.

Yes things can get tough like why are there so many dirty dishes in every single room, why is the bathroom seat up, can you just put the cap on the toothpaste on, stop throwing my loofa on the floor of the shower type of things. But at the end of the day, those things make us who we are and I love them. How much would I hate to wake up tomorrow morning discovering Ryan was no longer part of my life. That my loofa was constantly hanging in the proper place and I never had to pick it up - so boring. That there were no socks or pants on the floor of his side of the bed - that homeyness feeling. I love those things and love learning how to turn my love into an action rather than feeling. And now I get to do that everyday.

Oh, he also sends me pictures of our family when I'm not home!

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