Sunday, October 28, 2012

Re-Introduction

So I haven't been around much lately. Not much at all. And I'm not exactly sure what I can blame it on other than life is around the corner and it's taking a toll on me. I always admired all those upper years who had their lives figured out, they knew exactly where they were going and what they were doing after undergrad. They made it look so effortless. I thought these things would come together, but it seems tougher than that and just because I super aced one midterm, clearly doesn't mean that happened in all of my classes. I quickly felt like everything was falling apart. And I know it isn't - I know it still hasn't. This was not originally meant to be a "downer" of a post, but a welcoming return. So instead I will be reintroducing myself.

My name is Deanna and I'm a student. I am in my last year of my bachelor's degree and I am in love with school, sometimes it's more of a love/hate relationship. But with any other relationships our make-ups are always worth the fights.

I have ambitions and I think they're important at least for me. I don't know of a time when I haven't had a plan for the future. I knew what university I wanted to go to when I was 15. I started researching post-grad options and schools when I was 18.

I love getting dressed. I have been trying to limit the amount of changes I make each morning when deciding what to wear but it's important to me. I'm almost always "dressed up", if I'm more in a loungeish sort of mood than I still try to look somewhat presentable - this could be debatable.

I only ever shower at night, right before bed. As you will see above, I clearly don't have time to shower in the morning when I am busy making multiple costume changes. One day this past year I showered in the morning and it threw everything completely off and I vowed to never do it again.

I'm not sure I believe in "best friends". Who gets to determine who that #1 friend is? I feel like all of my friends bring something different into my life and have taught me so many things, how do you pick one that gets the title?

I believe in honesty. That's about it. When it boils down to it, that's the value I believe in. Friends, family, relationships, religion, life, to me honesty with others and yourself is powerful.

I hate staying up late, and waking up late. I take that back, I can stay up late as long as I am spending those late night hours in my bed. I don't do well in public at nights, I have been known to fall asleep at concerts, bars, and more. When I wake up late, I usually feel like I've wasted the day away and could have accomplished something more if I had just forced myself out of bed.

I'm scared of not living up to people's expectations. And this is scary for me to say finally, but I know there are some more judgmental people out there and people who don't give a care what I do with my life. But the deeper I go and the farther down the road I get, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm making people proud.

I want a kitty. And a nice apartment. And just to be honestly, contently happy.

2 comments:

  1. Dear bestest daughter. I have only one expectation for you.... that you wake up each morning breathing. I say this because I know in my heart of hearts that with that task taken care of you will start the day to make the world better. And you do. It is in your DNA, your makeup; it is who you really are. From the time you open your eyes and your brain cells connect to your consciousness, pow, a truly magical thing happens. I have seen it time and time again. Somethings the magic is slow to develop and all of a sudden: bang, it happens. It is like a compass always steering you, directing you. A mystical hand that is gently pushing you onward. So about other peoples expectation? Don’t trouble yourself with what they think. They don’t know the path you are on. They don’t know you as I do. Don’t second guess yourself because your internal compass with get you back on track. The only other person you have to make proud is yourself. I am proud just watching you breath.

    Love Dad.

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes school just drags you down and everything just gets so overwhelming. I took a hiatus from blogging too and am just getting back into it now that I feel like I can breathe again!
    I always admire how put together you look, and you always have such great outfits!
    All you really have to worry about is if you are making yourself proud. Are you happy to tell others of your accomplishments?

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