Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Late Nights, Busy Days

I wish I could tell you that the beginning of my fourth year is everything I hoped it would be and more. I wish I could tell you that I'm feeling inspired and ready to conquer anything. But right now I'm feeling scared, nervous, anxious and all-around awkward. All I can think each day is that it's a day closer to the end. A day I lost not making enough connections or the right connections. And I don't necessarily mean in friends but in professors and references. I am freaking out.

Am I saying the right thing? Am I coming off too strong or more likely not strong enough? Will I actually be ready to apply to grad school in the next few months?

I'm missing that pizzaz in my life. That spunk. That all-around Dee-ness that makes me that crazy, organized, outgoing girl I am. I am still all of those things but I feel that I'm holding back. That I'm not shouting out to the world (professors) what I want to do after this year. It's hard! But I know I am on the right track.

I met with one of my professors after class today (the first time I have ever done such a thing) to talk about speaking in front of our entire class on a topic regarding families. I wanted to sit and chat about my experiences, where I've come from, what I want to do but all I could do was stare at the sun outside of his office, sip my tea and think about how utterly boiling I was wearing a jacket and pants in 24 degree weather. I literally told him three times that I would be back next week with my write up to rehearse with him. The only saving grace was that he seemed just as awkward as I did but I blame it on his current cold and superior intelligence.

One thing I did realize today that staying up until 3am the night before a 13 hour day of class, work and meetings only makes me tired and see above - not my usual Dee-self. That I don't communicate well past 12:00am and that I might be more focused with pen to paper instead of finger to keyboard.

1 comment:

  1. Oh mannnn I get this, sorry you're (you were?) feeling so stressed right now. I hope on days like that you remember how awesome you are though. I really look up to both you and Maggie in the ways you guys volunteer, work and do school all at once. I've met people who've worked with you and who you've worked for, and they've all said amazing things.
    Remember your boss at student life who loved having you work for her. Remember the ASCIs who when having their end of the year debrief meeting said that they needed to take some responsibilities off of your former role for next year because YOU were the only person who could handle all that and the average person (who would be taking over) probably wont be able to function at the same level as you. And remember your friends who have on multiple occasions come to you for help in organizing their life/schedules. You're Dee, and you GOT THIS.

    ps. completely unrelated - but I feel like the top pic (of the person with the orange scarf) looks like you or an outfit you'd wear. And I just really enjoy the other pic.