Friday, February 24, 2012

Honesty

After finally spending some time to catch up on the blog world before bed last night I realized that it's been awhile since I've been as happy as I should be. As you can tell from here and here life has been a bit unnecessarily stressful and subsequently tiring. I've spent this entire week (reading week or spring break) not doing a single shred of work and therefore building up some very. huge. stress that will surely explode when I get back to school.

After reading A Cup of Jo this week I realized it's not time to be honest with the blogging world (let's be honest this blog is not some type of money maker of popularity or anything) but to be honest with myself. I miss using my blog to tell stories and share moments with my friends, family and anyone who was interested but lately I've been embarrassed and always being careful with my words and what I share, which you may think is a good thing all with being private on the internet and all that jazz. But now I've come to the point where I barely say a word in fear that someone here or there will judge what I do, how I lead my life or simply how I write. Pretty silly for a pretty confident lady.

However, looking back on the past few weeks/months life has been pretty frustrating and down in the dumpsy. This semester it's been hard to get myself together and I thought I was falling apart. I was having trouble getting out of bed, I was literally freaking out over 3 page papers, running late, missing meetings, just being generally sad and not having any of my usual passion and flare. I (obviously) talked to Ryan about how I thought I was depressed or had anxiety, which very well could have been true (and still may be) but it's been getting better. It feels very strange to be writing this for a ton of people I care about to read. I've always admired the people who come across so easily happy, who seem to not have a care in the world or at least knows how to handle it so simply. But I don't think I can be one of those people, although I wish more than the world I could be!

I'm a bit scared for the future. Everything seems to be getting to an end. I will be done my undergraduate degree next year and maybe that seems like a decent amount of time away but not really! Not only do I need to concretely figure out what I want to do and where I want to apply for more school, I have to think about where I want to live, with who, how, what money will there be, etc. Do I really want to write my LSAT this summer, will I have enough time, am I dedicated enough? There's just so many things happening and to think about that I finally feel adultish and I'm not sure how much I like it!

3 comments:

  1. Brave of you to write this Dee, talking through moments in your life when you're down like this will likely be an invaluable skill throughout your life. I'm glad you have friends and family to lean on for help!

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  2. I think by writing about your reality, makes it a bit easier to tackle. Lay it all out on the table ,don't be afraid because you're not alone. :)

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  3. Thanks Rob. You're kind words made my day(s)!

    And thanks for reading Kimmy!

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